notarealstate (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
notarealstate) wrote2022-08-23 04:26 pm
notarealstate) wrote2022-08-23 04:26 pm
post one-shot
Hawaii had reassured him that it wasn't 'a disaster', but the fact that they had to stop because it was too painful kind of made it so that now trying to face it again would be more...Well, intimidating for Rico, and possibily more frustrating for Hawaii himself though he'd never admit it.
Rico assumes that they will keep being friends and discuss what happened in a way that hopefully didn't make it worse. The tarot reading Rico gave himself said they were gonna be okay, so...
"Hello." Rico sits next to Hawaii at dinner. "How did the mission go?"
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He guesses to be correct, in some measure.
"I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but seeing you take initiative is exciting. I like it, but I'm still afraid of making you uncomfortable, so... Those two ideas of you kind of clash"
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He curls his mouth a bit.
"Sometimes people are aesthetically nice to me, like you would like a painting or a statue, but I never really look at someone and think that I wanna have sex with them? That's not the kind of attraction I feel."
He gets a bit sadder thinking about how sex is a forbidden topic, because in some way that does resonate.
"But yeah. Sex, regardless of attraction, is...Weird. I've always felt like it was an 'other people' thing, maybe because others seems to have a different relationship with...Well, everything, compared to me."
Man, is he going on a tangent now?
"...But I like doing it with you."
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"For me things have always been straightforward. But I guess sex is more a matter of curiosity, almost?"
He never stopped to contemplate things under such light. He did feel attracted to people, sexually speaking, but what he felt for Rico was completely different.
"Like... I don't know, I wonder what people look like naked a lot, just to name one. And if I like that image it's not that hard to start wondering how they're in bed. I like to try nee things because I always want to know how it feels. Are you really telling me you've never wondered how it would feel to have sex with anyone?"
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He gets very embarrassed all of a sudden as if he Hawaii didn't just have sex.
"I did it thinking of you, sometimes..."
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So he begins with a gentle squeeze, while also stroking Rico's back to let him know he's okay with that.
"I mean... I didn't even know you masturbated until I saw you doing it" he admits too.
"And now you tell me this after we..." he doesn't finish, saying out loud would ruin the mood.
He's starting to feel warm and fuzzy, as well as sleepy.
"I mean... There's so much of you I have to understand. And I'm fine with that. It makes you even more special" he smiles, and brushes some hair away from Rico's face.
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He laughs awkwardly.
"I don't like being special. I'd rather be like everyone else."
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Does this sound bad?
"Like, I mean, I get what you're trying to say. But I've never felt like this for anyone else, and I'm afraid that saying you're like them means you'll just get tired of me, eventually"
He sighs.
"I know you're not like that, but... I told you, a lot of people had sex with me just as an experiment, and I was fine with that because I didn't feel this way toward them. Sometimes I think I could be nothing more than an experiment to you too, and although I know that isn't true, it bothers me"
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"Oh. Really?"
He sighs.
"Look, I cannot guarantee you anything about sex, this is too new for me to, I don't know, make a long term statement, but it's not for sex that I like you. We've always been close, and I can tell you anything, and it's like-- even if you don't understand, you listen and that...That means a lot. I'm sure there is someone like me out there, but I like to think that I can get to talk to people, actual normal people rather than a mirror of myself, and be okay too with a bit of work. I mean, what's the point of life if you're only supposed to get along with those that are identical to you? And you and I get along even if we're opposites and that's nice."
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He nods, and kisses him again.
"I too feel like sex isn't the point of it"
He's hesitant, now. He looks at Rico, then lowers his gaze as he grabs his hand,and cuddles up against his chest.
"I love you" he says.
It shouldn't be that big of a deal by now, but Hawaii still feels like it is.
It's meaningful, and for the first time he feels safe enough to say that without messing up, or making things complicated.
Plus,it feels nice getting this off of his chest.
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"I love you too!"
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"We should get a shower" he mumbles.
For a moment he almost feels like suggesting a second round, but his ass is sore and he's tired.
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Rico agrees but he doesn't act like it, simply snuggling against Hawaii and clearly ready to fall asleep.
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He giggles, but doesn't want to move either. He pats his back, then kisses his cheek.
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It's so random it startles him. He pulls back to look at Rico, unsure wether he's supposed to be disgusted, amused or turned on.
"Are you serious?"
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He's still not sure he's getting it right.
"if you want we can try to set it up, yknow. If you really like it that much... We can find someone to help with it"
It almost feels weird suggesting to set up a threesome, or a foursome, or wathever. He still thinks that Rico should be able to act out his fantasies, if that's what he's saying.
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"...What." he says flatly, with slight irritation because yeah, this is a lot.
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"What I'm trying to say is that... If you like being covered in 'sticky stuff', you should at least get to try it"
Be tries to play it cool, but something in the back of his head is already telling him that tbis will take a bad turn. He still can't stop himself from adding: "I know a couple of discreet guys on board. They wouldn't be bitchy about it"
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Even putting all of Rico's issues and topics aside, who the fuck proposes a threesome to someone who's had their first time like 30 seconds ago?
"Why do we have to involve someone else?"
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"I'm sorry, I... I thought it would've been nice, for you. You never did anything before so I thought you wanted to try everything now, I guess? Uhm"
Oh god, he's rambling, almost panicky by now.
"I-I see it may be too big of a step now"
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There you go, asking for a sexy thing in the most unsexy way possible. Then again he's talking in general, not right now.
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It's just so weird, now. Technically what Rico just said is sweet, and yeah, he was trying to help.it could've been just a cute misunderstanding, and yet it feels so fucking awkward, and not because this is sexual.
"I'm sorry" he mumbles, pulling him in a hug again.
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He caresses Hawaii's hand with his own.
"Hey," he interrupts himself with a yawn "do you mind if I sleep here?"
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It's almost embarrassing how little it takes for him to cheer up.
"I think that would actually be great"
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